Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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