Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
