Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
