you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
