You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
