I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
