rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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