I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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