you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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