she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
