fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
