a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
