Having a random hookup so left but love u
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
