the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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