So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
