You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
