he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
