Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it's like iHOP with fire
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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