he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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