dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
