someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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