I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
