Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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