"it" just moved
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
