cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
