I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
