i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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