plz talk dirty to me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
