NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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