Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
