I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize