She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
