He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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