he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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