I looked at my own cervix.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
