Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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