When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
