don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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