the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
