I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
