I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
