I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
two words: eviction party
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
