No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize