I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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