Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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