Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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