i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
