I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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