we're chasing vodka with high fives
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
