Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
