Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
