If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
