one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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