You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
