did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
