she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
