My first STD was from a foam party
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
