I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
