If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
