please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
