I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
