that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
