By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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