rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
