im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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