Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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