Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
