No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
