And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
