dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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