I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
