I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
