Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
