I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
love makes seman taste better
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
